Wading Through the Murky Waters of Dating

On the Salt and Light facebook page I recently posted an article and a picture/quote about dating, which got me thinking more about the topic in recent days.

I grew up wanting to date really, really bad all through high school and into college.  Because of that desire and my insecurities, I chose to become involved in dating situations that were probably not best for me or the other person.  I dated very selfishly, like most teenagers do.

Shortly after I finished college and about three years after I was married a book came on the scene called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris.  I immediately hated the book and I hadn't even read it.  Looking back I think my disdain came from a book title that was telling me I dated wrong and I didn't want to admit that maybe I had.

I now own the book and have read some of it with my son.  I discovered that I completely misunderstood Josh Harris' premise and once I understood his heart, I have come to agree with him and his provocative book title.

If we are honest with ourselves and think back to our own early dating relationships, I think we would say it was very hard to remain pure.  When you are in "love", I use that word loosely, it is hard to remain sensible when it comes to our emotions.  So unless a young person makes a commitment to God BEFORE he or she starts dating, it is to easy to get off course and just wing it.  And winging it generally leads to disaster or at the very least an unhealthy relationship.

My pastor has also helped me in understanding this issue as well.  I've come to see under his teaching that the bible is very clear on what God expects from us in our dating relationships.  Because we are Christ followers, we are to live in selfless submission to one another.  I'm not talking here about the husband-wife relationship, but any and every relationship within the church body.  We are to be like Christ and that means we live to serve others, not to serve ourselves.  My best guess would say that most teenagers are not ready for that kind of relationship.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3-4)

I have had countless conversations with my two older children, particularly my son in regard to dating.  I know this is a tough issue for him because his friends are "dating" (if that's what you can call it in Junior High) and he is naturally wired by God to be attracted to girls.  So we talk a lot about how God mandates us not to be unequally yoked by becoming emotionally attached to a person who is not a Christ follower... that's hard because there are some very pretty and sweet unsaved girls.  We've talked about how you have to be emotionally stable to handle a dating situation.  Let's face it most teens are very emotional, wishy washy and possessive.  Those are not good character qualities to add into a dating situation.  And to be perfectly honest we've talked about how a teenagers hormones are raging and it is very hard to say "no" to those emotions.  I've told my son that until he is ready to financially handle a wife and baby, it is probably best that he hold off on dating.  That may sound extreme to you, but I'm just being realistic that it can happen and I'm not naive enough to think that my children are exempt from those emotions that have the potential to led them into a sinful union.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

 

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a

pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)

I know talking about this with my kids is not a magical pill that will cure them from somehow being attracted to the opposite sex until they are 25, but I do want them to starting thinking now while they are young about the kind of relationships that are God honoring and spiritually healthy both for them and the other person they find attractive.  Right now I want them to wholeheartedly pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace.


NOTE: I recognize many people may not agree with this approach to dating and that's fine... these are just things that God has taught me.